you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
