dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
