I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
