covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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