If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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