"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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