i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
