Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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