Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
