To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you traded sex for a burrito?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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