So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
