I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
