I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am spending my child support on dildos
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The air taste purple.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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