How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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