unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
