gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
