you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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