My room smells like vodka and shame
one two three fourrrrnication!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's always time for handjobs
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
