Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize