The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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