I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
