How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
