I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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