I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Farmville is her only friend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
