she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
