she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.