he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
