I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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