i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have demons in me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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