The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
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which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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