I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
