I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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