I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
