Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
