if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
