I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
