No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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