I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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