i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
