just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
