May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
