my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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