I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
