am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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