Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
