I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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