I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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