I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
