i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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