Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just threw up on my dentist
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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