So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
