i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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