Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
