we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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