when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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