tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
