I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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