Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
